Getting over past little by little

I think that very often when times change and things are over, I have a very difficult time dealing with the new reality of my life. I, like many other people, find change to be difficult to cope with.

Two changes prompted this thought. First, I ran my final run with the Sportsbackers team this morning. My next Sportsbackers run will be in 2009. I have decided to take time off of running until my appointment on the 28th, and I am not planning right now to train for a spring marathon. Thus, I will have to adapt my life around this change. I am going to try to start engaging in new forms of exercise. I have started going to this Dance Trance class at the gym and I am very interested in taking yoga classes. I suppose for cardio I will have to deal with the elliptical or the bike. I am prepared to accept this change, and everyday I think about it, it gets easier.

Second, my ex boyfriend Craig who I dated for almost three years has refused to speak to me since we broke up over a year ago. I contacted him recently, and he finally wrote back, saying that he did not want to keep in contact with me because he thought that it would be too hard. The finality of our relationship and the reality of never talking to him again really brings closure to the whole situation. It feels like that part of my life has been erased, as if it never existed. The change there is more in my thought pattern. We both tried very hard to make our relationship work, and for some reason or another, we just couldn't do it. I know that, but it's hard to accept the fact that someone I spent that long with will never speak to me again. The idea is chilling.

I am ready for new relationships in my life .I am ready for new forms of exercise. But, the newness of it all , the uncertainty of everything really scares me. The lack of control I have over new relationships and the lack of control I have over the pain in my hip is the piece that is very frightening.