And so it goes

Today I was a normal person. I was not a runner. I spent the day in my pajamas, guilty about not working out, yet at the same time bored by even the thought of getting on the elliptical. So, I ate soup, drank coffee, and spent the evening at a bar, laughing with newfound friends and trying to remember the last time I felt this "unstressed." In a lot of ways I am terrified of letting go of running, of intense training, of intense control over food and drink. But, when I get a taste of calm life, of laughter without any pretenses, I begin to realize that I need to take everything in stride. And so, here I am on a Sunday night at 10:50, over an hour past my bedtime, trying to reflect on life and my desires and hopes and motivations. I am trying to throw rules out the window, to live how I see fit, to try to enjoy moments, minutes, rather than worry about turning 30 and being nowhere near where I thought I would be. There is a reason I'm here now. There is a reason my life has formed itself around certain people, and has taken the turns it has taken. I don't regret any of that. Sometimes, I just need to remember to feel like this, to feel calm and ready to move where the wind takes me.