Getting over past little by little

I think that very often when times change and things are over, I have a very difficult time dealing with the new reality of my life. I, like many other people, find change to be difficult to cope with.

Two changes prompted this thought. First, I ran my final run with the Sportsbackers team this morning. My next Sportsbackers run will be in 2009. I have decided to take time off of running until my appointment on the 28th, and I am not planning right now to train for a spring marathon. Thus, I will have to adapt my life around this change. I am going to try to start engaging in new forms of exercise. I have started going to this Dance Trance class at the gym and I am very interested in taking yoga classes. I suppose for cardio I will have to deal with the elliptical or the bike. I am prepared to accept this change, and everyday I think about it, it gets easier.

Second, my ex boyfriend Craig who I dated for almost three years has refused to speak to me since we broke up over a year ago. I contacted him recently, and he finally wrote back, saying that he did not want to keep in contact with me because he thought that it would be too hard. The finality of our relationship and the reality of never talking to him again really brings closure to the whole situation. It feels like that part of my life has been erased, as if it never existed. The change there is more in my thought pattern. We both tried very hard to make our relationship work, and for some reason or another, we just couldn't do it. I know that, but it's hard to accept the fact that someone I spent that long with will never speak to me again. The idea is chilling.

I am ready for new relationships in my life .I am ready for new forms of exercise. But, the newness of it all , the uncertainty of everything really scares me. The lack of control I have over new relationships and the lack of control I have over the pain in my hip is the piece that is very frightening.

Running Marathons and Getting Injured

So, I started crying last night. No, no one died. I didn't get fired from my job. I didn't lose my cats. My hip hurt. Not only did it hurt, but it also meant that I may have to take time off of running. As I was googling "bursitis," my self diagnosis, I read a post that mentioned taking six weeks off of running. The thought of taking six weeks off of running meant a lot of things. First, it meant essentially giving up my own form of therapy. Running is one of the only things that makes me feel strong, alive, energetic, and self confident. Second, it meant really watching what I eat and stressing about calories and fat grams. Running, for one thing, allows me to eat without worrying about gaining weight. I know that as long as I run and somewhat watch what I eat, sneaking in a cookie here and then, that I will remain thin and toned. Without it, I am afraid of what will happen to my body. Third, it meant a void in my life. Running is a social activity, a cleansing activity, and an after school activity. Where would I go after school if I didn't go to the gym? Fourth, running gives me goals. When I am training, I am working towards the goal of running a race in a certain time. These goals give me landmarks in my life and events that I can prepare for and look forward to.

The funny thing is, that my sport is other sports' punishments. If a kid is late to football practice, chances are his punishment will be to run laps. One bad play on a field may result in team runs, which are essentially payments for mistakes. Despite this, I love running. Marathon runners are often viewed as obsessed people who are control freaks. I take full responsibility for this. But, I love every second of it. I even love the pain at the end of the marathon, the final push at mile 26, knowing that I will cross the finish line. I love the way my hair freezes while running outside in the winter, and the way I am soaking wet in all temperatures after a long run. I love it so much, that the possibility of giving it up brings me to tears.

My students think I'm dumb

After reading a journal article published by the National Association of Teachers of English about blogging as a discussion activity for students outside of the classroom, I decided to propose the option to my creative writing students. Energetically, I told them how I had started to blog my own experiences with running, life, and teaching. I mentioned that teachers have been using the concept of blogging in the classroom, and students were posting blogs to discuss reading for the class. I was met with frowns and silence, except for the superstar of the class, who met me with a profound, "I think blogs are dumb." So, instead of trying to answer in my own words, I flipped to the article and used the language of the author. I quoted several passages in which the particular teacher used blogs in the classroom. Instead of an approval, once again I was shot down with a rolling of the eyes that only a teenager can get away with. "I mean, no offense, but who wants to read your journal? You are just publishing your diary." She said it with such conviction that I wondered for a second who had the masters degree and the publication background and who, in fact, was teaching the class. To the class as a whole, I shrugged and said that I thought that it would be a good activity to write everyday. I dropped the subject after that. Aren't kids completely into technology? Aren't blogs the new fad? Did I miss something or are kids completely uninterested in writing anything beyond cryptic text messages? I suppose that complete sentences are no longer "cool." I need to take a brush up class.

Being 16

I am surprised by the amount of information 16 year olds don't know. I gave out a test today, and I was asked a serious of mind boggling questions. Now, mind you, these are private school relatively intelligent kids. Question #1 : What does investigative mean? Hmmmm. "Investigate" is a middle school word, maybe even an elementary school word. Did the adjective form confuse them? Could that be it? Do they not recognize the word used by many television shows. Hasn't anyone seen CSI? Hasn't anyone read a book? Question #2: What is point of view? Hmmmm...I am writing this blog from MY point of view. This is first person because I am using the word "I." Question #3: When the question says, "What is the role of women in the text," what does that mean? My response: "It means what is the role of women in the text." Student response: "Oh." There is a reason I teach. Part of the reason is to develop a sense of humor, learn patience and try not to cringe with each question. Score: Students: 3 Me: 0

There was another event today that made me laugh and sigh all at the same time. Let me preface this event with an admittance. While I try not to focus on my appearance too much, I do get somewhat frazzled if I don't have enough time to get ready in the morning or if I forget my watch, makeup, jewelry, etc. I am as girly and concerned with superficiality as the next person. I like to blame it on society. It makes me feel better. Nevertheless, I would never go out of my way and be late to work if I forgot one of the earlier mentioned accessories. There is, however, I sixteen year old in my honors class who believes firmly in jewelry and earrings, so much that she wants to return home when she forgets one of her accessories. She told me in class the other day that she regularly makes her dad turn the car around in the morning if she forgets her earrings. Can you imagine? You are halfway to a 20 minute commute to your child's school. There is no school bus because she attends a private school. You drop her off on your way to work. All of a sudden your child says, "Dad, I forgot my earrings. We have to go back." What should the obvious response be there? Mine would be "No," plain and simple. No explanation needed. Not this father. He turned the car around to get the earrings. She claimed that she has also called him while she was at school to bring in her earrings because she forgot them at home. And instead of protesting, he brought them to her! Am I the only one who thinks that there is something wrong with this scenario? Today, the girl came into my classroom sweeping her hair behind her ears to proudly show her earringless lobes. "Look Ms. V" she said. "I don't have earrings in and I didn't make my dad go back and get them!" This was a shining moment in this girl's life. I suppose that people have different success stories. I couldn't help but smile. Even though I may not agree with her dad's choices in the field of earrings, who could resist the animated, smiley grin of this obviously happy girl? Wouldn't we all just hope to worry about whether or not we come prepared to work or school with jewelry. We can only hope.