Reflections and Running

I am a firm believer in the importance of reflection. That is the essence of journaling and in modern times, blogging. Thus, I found my experience today at my half marathon quite worthy of reflection. Running has taken many forms in my life. For a long time, it was a drug. I couldn't quite get enough and it seemed to cover or heal any problems in my life. If I had a bad day, a bad breakup, a bad encounter, I would run a few miles, and suddenly I would gather strength as each mile ticked away. Other times, running became that one goal that I could set when I felt like my life had become lacking in goals and the ability to achieve. And so, I would set a distance goal and a time goal and spend my days working to make sure that I would make that goal. Instead of getting A's in classes, I would qualify for Boston. Instead of getting a promotion, which is close to impossible in the field of education, I would PR in my next race. Now, running is different. It is simply a hobby. I no longer need the drug or even the goals. It is instead "what I do on my free time." So, with that said, you can imagine that I have been running fewer miles lately and thus my race times have decreased.

Today, when I was running the Baltimore Half Marathon struggling up the hills at mile 6, when I was walking up the never ending hill at mile 7, I wondered why I couldn't quite make it like I did before. And then, when I was running again as the hills subsided, I realized that running was not the only thing in my life anymore, and that maybe I hadn't trained as I had in previous years. So, I started to have fun. I high-fived a policeman, I shouted at the crowd to yell for the runners, I took a look around at the scenery, and I finished strong. Despite the fact that it was close to my worst race (1:48) and I definitely walked more than I wanted to, I had fun. I was proud of myself for running the race. I was proud of myself for continuing to run even when I was sure I couldn't make it.

Without my reflection of this race, I probably would have thought that the experience was worthless or that I SHOULD HAVE run better. Instead, I looked back at the two hours and realized all of the things I DID do. And I thanked whatever running god is out there for the millions of things that running has done for me.